I won’t say twin pregnancy has been easy up until this point because it hasn’t. But, aside from growing pains, aching pelvic bones, and worse morning sickness early on, I was doing pretty okay. As a twin mom who goes on forums about twin pregnancies, you undoubtedly come across numerous posts as early as 20 weeks and up through the end of people hitting a “wall.” Well, I guess I didn’t really understand what that meant until today. I thought since I did so well at 24 weeks (a common wall), maybe I could get my hopes up and not be miserable until 30+ weeks….WRONG! By the time I was half-way through my day at work, I was sore everywhere, having more braxton hicks than anyone deserves or needs, and could barely walk. I tried to take a bath to ease the discomfort only to find myself almost falling in my attempt to get out of the tub. I’m starving all the time, but I can’t seem to eat enough food without indigestion. Drinking enough water to stay hydrated should be a full-time job. And I’m exhausted!
Those of you who have only been pregnant with singletons or who have never had the joy of being pregnant at all can only imagine what this is like. You start doubting yourself. Will I actually make it past 34 weeks? How much more will it take before I just break down? Will I make it through 8 more weeks of work? Do I even want to try? Why, why is my body failing me? Am I strong enough to get through this?
I try to rationalize. This is just preparing me for a life with twins. I need to be used to being pushed to my limits. I need to just push through because quite honestly, it’s going to get a whole lot harder on my body before it gets better. Maybe this is my body’s way of saying the pain of a c-section will be nothing because I will have survived this. I don’t really know. But what I do know is that on bad days, days like today, I am miserable and wish I could just curl into a ball and sleep the day away. I can’t, of course, because I don’t get maternity leave or paid disability for a while longer. I can’t because even if I was home, I have a 3 year old running around. But, a girl can dream, right?
A lot of people in the general public either see a twin pregnancy as a blessing or say something about how it’s a nightmare and they’d rather die. In all honesty, I think it’s a mixture of both. Of course I’m excited to meet my little boy and girl in a couple short months, but at the same time, the pain, the extra doctors appointments, and the increased risks…not to mention the inevitable sleepless nights once they come, are daunting to say the least. So I take it one day at a time. What else is there to do?